Sex and Our City

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Over Yonder

Right, ummm, yes, well - uhhh, hello all.

So, like Jane I have been a bit on the outs primarily because I have felt that since the new year (ahh, who am I kidding, since November 2005) that without a sex life, there is little to report on a blog that derives its very name from the act. And indeedy - no big news on that front here, but I miss my ladies and wanted to weigh in with everyone.

I'm out of our nation's noble capital for several weeks. And the time away has done me some good. It signified the final and formal end to the dregs of the relationship I'd been clutching at since the fall. Of course, I was the only one clutching. The boy with the blue eyes was content to remain my friend and continue to go to movies and concerts with me once a week, even though he'd broken my heart over potbelly sandwiches several months before. And I'd convinced myself I could totally accept the whole friendship thing.

In the end I could not.

Of course, it wasn't quite that simple. Oh the drama! (or for your sake Kay - the histrionics!) The wheels started to turn when I discovered he'd gone out of town to see an old friend, a female friend, a friend he'd had a crush on for the year before we started dating. And after a weekend of anger and pain I had a startling moment of clarity:

This is over. This has been over for him for a long time. For five months. Now I have to let him go.

So after everyone had to hear me sob about the girl from New Mexico, I did it. I cut off contact. (It didn't hurt that I was going to be several states away for the next five weeks). And it has been very, very good. We have had an email exchange or two in the past few weeks, but that's it. And I haven't felt hurt when it takes him several days to respond. That's progress - 'cause for a long time I took that as yet another rejection.

As for the discussion of life partners... gee I don't know. I'm a cancer, of course I ultimately want to find someone who will stick around forever. I do, I hate to admit that to myself, but I do. I am just incredibly pessimistic that I will ever actually find that right person. I worry sometime that my "rules" are too unyielding (Joy gave me something to think about on that front).

But the good thing about spending this time single is that I am remembering how to truly be alone again. At one time I was very good at it. Then I went through five years and four serious relationships. And I forgot that I really would be fine if I was going to more movies alone than with company (I do actually love solo movies) and if I didn't have someone to call every night while out of town in places too far from civilization to enjoy (which is where these gigs always seem to take me) it would be okay. I would read more. And sleep better. And I wouldn't have to wait up if someone wasn't calling me back at night.

There is a freedom that singlehood affords. There is a joy that partnership brings. I don't know if one or the other brings more securities or guarantees. They are both challenging, in so many ways.

So them's my thoughts.

Perhaps soon I will write about some new possible developments, but in my eternal cynicism, I am afraid to even write about them for fear of jinxing something. Suffice it to say I had a couple of dates that I enjoyed very, very much. With a fella, we'll call him marathon man.

Curious?

2 Comments:

  • At 11:05 AM, Blogger Kay said…

    Ummm, yeah, we're curious!

    Spill it, sista...

     
  • At 12:28 PM, Blogger Joy said…

    MARATHON MAN??? Yeah, DISH, girlfriend 'cause I need a running partner!

     

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