Sex and Our City

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Temporary Life Partners

As the lone divorcee contributing to this blog, my opinion on Life Partners may be a little skewed, but I'll offer it anyway.

I've never believed in the concept of "one true love", not even as a little girl watching Disney movies and reading fairy tales. I don't recall ever daydreaming about my future wedding day or having children (I rarely even played with dolls other than to draw on their faces with permanent marker and cut off all their hair). I really don't remember thinking much at all about the quest for that perfect Life Partner with whom to grow old. It's odd because, like Joy's, my parents are still together, too. Have been for 37 years. So why shouldn't I have imagined the same thing for myself at an early age? Or maybe I just never thought about it because I assumed it would automatically happen.

And then it did happen......or at least I thought it happened. But you know what's weird? When I look back and really examine my feelings about my life with that particular Temporary Life Partner, I never had a very secure image of our future in my mind. It's as if some part of me hadn't accepted him as my Life Partner and so I never pictured anything much beyond the next year or two. Some might say that was my subconscious telling me something was very wrong in that marriage (and they might be right), but I also think it had to do with the fact that there's a part of me that doesn't really believe in the concept of Life Partners at all.

It's just so rare these days for marriages to last into old age. I know there are a million and one reasons for that and let's all blame society, television, liberalism, feminism, whatever. But maybe it's not such a big deal really. Why do we NEED Life Partners anyway? Why not just go through our lives taking care of ourselves and simply enjoying the company of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your preference) from time to time instead?

Yes, I believe in love. I've loved a few men in my life and I expect I'll love a few more before I'm done. What I don't believe is that love lasts forever (at least I don't believe it happens very often) and you know what? That's okay! I'm totally fine with having 2 or 3 or 4 different Life Partners as I journey my way through the years. That's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean I've done something wrong or that I'm choosing the wrong men or that I'm a glutton for punishment.
People change. Lives change. Feelings change. Why shouldn't our Life Partners?


  • At 7:14 AM, Blogger Less Plot, More Dancing said…

    Well, for me it's a matter of anticipation--if I don't see my boyfriend or husband a permanent life partner, then that forces me to think about a time when we won't be together. Really loving someone shouldn't, ideally, involving anticipating their departure. Same with friendships--all relationships feel permanent, until they're not.


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